The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

4. Doubled Over

All hail Big Boy Restaurants International, which Thursday announced it was relaunching its brand around its famous chubby icon in an ad campaign launching next week.

The news gave us goosebumps of nostalgia. After all, the restaurant chain promises that this "inventive approach to branding is a fresh, fun and lighthearted way of utilizing the Big Boy character."

As Big Boy's chief executive was quoted as saying, "For years we've heard from our customers how so many of the special times of their lives have happened at Big Boy Restaurants. Generations of customers have had memorable family experiences at Big Boy: going to Big Boy after school, on their first date, for birthdays and Sunday brunches. Couples have met at Big Boy; one couple even got married at our restaurant. It's those kind of moments that the commercials depict, building on the relationships that people have with the Big Boy character."

That's sweet. But even though the tubby-teen-ager lawsuit against McDonald's was thrown out, and even though Big Boy offers "Health Smart" items like Oriental Chicken Breast Salad and the Turkey Pita Pocket, we at the Research Lab dare say it's premature to forecast the resurgence of a chunky icon at a restaurant famous for double-decker burgers, chili and hand-breaded fried onion rings.

But hey, what do we know. Ask Jeff Kagan. Maybe he has a different opinion.

5. This Just In

Headline from Salomon Smith Barney's report Thursday assessing Comcast's numbers: "Strong 4Q:02 Results...."

Whew. That's a relief.