The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

Of the 32 other articles, 19 quoted Kagan. The 13 remaining mentions were split among 11 analysts.

In other words, if a commentator is identified as a telecom analyst in USA Today, there's a 59% likelihood he's Jeff Kagan.

To be sure, this isn't the most exhaustive research the lab has ever performed. Our 61-article sample excludes numerous USA Today articles about the phone industry in which sources are identified as analysts, but not telecom analysts. A quick survey of these articles reveals a wide variety of analysts from a number of different brokerages and research firms. But none get to carry the ball as often as our man Kagan.

We asked USA Today about what makes Jeff Kagan so irresistible. But, in sad contrast to you-know-who, no one got back to us with a comment.

3. Comcast Mr. Tally Man, Tally Me Earnings

Three months ago we boldly forecast that Comcast (CMCSA Quote) would report strong results for the fourth quarter of 2002.

Boy, did we get our comeuppance this week.

Some background. As the Five Dumbest Things Research Lab pointed out in November, the cable operator has a pattern of reporting strong results. As in, over the past seven years, about 70% of Comcast's earnings releases carried a headline proclaiming "strong" results for whatever quarter Comcast was reporting.

Thus, we dared predict last November that Comcast would declare results for the December quarter to be "strong" or possibly "record," Comcast's second-favorite adjective.

Well, when we read Comcast's earnings release this morning, we felt pretty stupid. Comcast's results "Meet or Exceed All Operating and Financial Goals," we read. No sign of "strong" anywhere.

But then we looked at another release Comcast issued Thursday, one announcing Comcast's forecasts for 2003. And how does Comcast characterize its financial outlook?

You guessed it: strong. The show of strength continues unabated.