The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

It seems almost pointless to ask what Kagan is saying in all these comments. But heck, pointless is our middle name.

Not to diminish the scope of Kagan's achievement -- after all here is a guy who, by our count, went from 15 press mentions in 1995 to 638 in 2002 -- but we at the research lab find his insights to be, well, OK. Last week's FCC ruling "was an important battle, but it's only one battle in the longer war that's been fought since the Telecom Act passed in 1996," he told The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. "Customers love bundled services, but hate watching the clock," he told The Roanoke Times another day.

Oh, Kagan! Mentions of telecom analyst Jeff Kagan in print publications

* Extrapolation of 109 articles between Jan. 1 and Feb. 26, 2003 Source: Factiva

These industry analyst quotes are the kind of sound bites editors expect hard-hitting, deadline-pressed reporters to include in whatever breaking news story they're covering that day. The comments aren't bad. They're not wrong. But they aren't remarkable, either.

Somewhat more remarkable was Kagan's recent mass email commenting on Qwest (Q Quote)-related indictments -- analysis that bore an alarming resemblance to a list of business-talk cliches. "Investors have been waiting for the other shoe to drop," he wrote. "With this step, we are now starting a new chapter in what will be a long book on reforms. Now is when the rubber starts meeting the road.

"The days of playing fast and loose with the books ... are over," he continued. "The house of cards that many of these companies built collapsed on them, burying them in a mountain of scandal and shame that they have to dig themselves out of." Qwest's new top executives "are cleaning house from the inside so they can move forward."

Asked about this recent Qwest missive, Kagan pleads no contest, complete with quotes that are pure Kagan. "Some days, you're better than others," he says. "In the body of commentary out there, it's the good, the bad and the ugly."