The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

Seems plausible.

We must also acknowledge the fine journalism practiced by the competition over at The Wall Street Journal. No doubt embarrassed by our Happy Meal scoop on Jan. 17, the Journal fought back. They fought back hard. They assigned two reporters to the breaking story. They labored on it for nearly two weeks. Unlike us, to their credit, they even spoke to people from McDonald's to learn what was going on.

And the conclusion of their investigation, published Jan. 31? Sales of Happy Meals are declining, for a variety of possible reasons. Two-toy meals are a means to get rid of excess inventory.

So our deflation story was deflated. But we in the first-draft-of-history business still hold our heads high.

4. Deere-ly Beloved

Speaking of toy stories, we'd generally refer to a Wednesday press release from agricultural equipment manufacturer Deere & Co. (DE Quote) as our nominee for Pointless Press Release of the Week.

Apparently, the die-cast John Deere tractor introduced in 1947 -- back when Deere, like Cher, went by two names -- was one of the 100 toys included in The Toy Industry Association's "Century of Toys List," issued to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the industry group's annual trade show.

So John Deere's tractor is up there with the Betsy Wetsy doll, the Furby, and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

We're so proud.

5. Coming Soon: Improving Your Car's Gas Mileage by Demolishing the Engine!

Finally, speaking of nutty press releases, this week's George Orwell memorial "Two Plus Two Equals Five" award goes to Circuit City (CC Quote), for its announcement generally referring to "Customer Service Initiatives."

As the electronics retailer explains up high in its Wednesday press release, its objective is to create "Information-Rich, Easy-to-Browse and Shop Stores."

So how will Circuit City make its stores easier to shop? Why, by eliminating 1,800 salespeople -- approximately three per store.

Well, that's a great way to streamline shopping at your local Circuit City: reduce the chances of a salesperson blocking the aisle.

Of course, what Circuit City is doing here is acknowledging what consumers of consumer electronics have already figured out: No matter where you're buying these days, if you want detailed, accurate information about a prospective purchase, do your homework on the Web. Plus, Circuit City is trying to save some money. But calling this an initiative "to create a simpler more efficient company with a singular focus on meeting the shopping preferences of consumers in America's dynamic retail marketplace?" We'd generally refer to that as Dumb.