The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

Not Very NYSE Christmas spiritless

4. I See a Vacation Day and I Want to Paint It Black

Speaking of unsolicited advice, here's some for the New York Stock Exchange: If you don't want people to be taking off early Dec. 24, just say so. Certain executive orders such as these should be done face-to-face, not via a poorly art-directed schedule of holidays on your Web site.

5. El Condor Pasa

The Research Lab now brings to your attention the latest craze sweeping the nation: memorably awkward statements made during retirement ceremony tribute speeches.

Yes, you probably were thinking of Trent Lott's "senior moment" at Strom Thurmond's goodbye party. But don't overlook comments made this week by William Wise, chief executive of El Paso (EP Quote - Cramer on EP - Stock Picks).

In a statement marking the retirement of one Joel Richards III, executive vice president of administration, Wise said, "Joel Richards played a crucial role in developing the highly disciplined corporate culture that defines El Paso's workforce."

Highly disciplined corporate culture, huh? Well, we're sure Joel Richards is a good guy and he has nothing to do with any of this, but "highly disciplined" isn't the first thing we think of these days when we get around to thinking of El Paso's workforce.

El Paso's a Gas

No, we think about the recent news that a former El Paso employee was charged with submitting inaccurate data to a trade publication, affecting the price of natural gas. And we think about an administrative law judge's finding that El Paso withheld capacity from the California market during its time of crisis, a finding that El Paso disputes.

Or maybe we misunderstood what Wise was saying. Innocent until proven guilty and all, but maybe when he said "highly disciplined" he was referring to things like potential fines and jail sentences.