The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

1. Comcast, Where All the Children Are Above Average

Comcast (CMCSK Quote) reported strong quarterly results on Monday.
Well, you might ask, how do we know the results were strong?
Because, silly, Comcast's results are always strong. Unless it's the end of the year, in which case results aren't just strong, but record-setting.
Let us explain.

When we read Comcast's third-quarter financial results press release this week, it seemed awfully familiar. "Comcast Reports Strong Third Quarter Results," read the headline. Hadn't we read that somewhere before?

Why, yes. After a little bit of rummaging through the Five Dumbest Things Research Laboratory files, we found a stack of Comcast's old quarterly press releases. As we perused them, a pattern soon emerged.

See for yourself:

• 3Q 2002 "Comcast Reports Strong Third Quarter Results"
  
• 2Q 2002 "Comcast Reports Strong Second Quarter Results"
  
• 1Q 2002 "Comcast Reports Strong First Quarter Results"
  
• 4Q 2001 "Comcast Reports Record Revenue of $9.7 Billion And Operating Cash Flow of $2.7 Billion For 2001"
  
• 3Q 2001 "Comcast Reports Strong Third Quarter Results"
  
• 2Q 2001 "Comcast Reports Strong Second Quarter Results"
  
• 1Q 2001 "Comcast Reports Strong First Quarter Results"
  
• 4Q 2000 "COMCAST REPORTS RECORD 2000 RESULTS" [from Comcast's Web site]
  
• 3Q 2000 "Comcast Reports Strong Third Quarter Results"
  
• 2Q 2000 "Comcast Reports Strong Second Quarter Results"
  
• 1Q 2000 "Comcast Reports Strong First Quarter Results"
  
• 4Q 1999 "Comcast Reports Strong 1999 Results"
  
• 3Q 1999 "Comcast Reports Revenue Up 23.2% And Operating Cash Flow Growth of 24.3%"
  
• 2Q 1999 "Comcast Reports Second Quarter Results"
  
• 1Q 1999 "Comcast Reports Strong First Quarter Results"
  
• 4Q 1998 "Comcast Reports Strong 1998 Results"
  
• 3Q 1998 "Comcast Reports Strong Third Quarter Results"
  
• 2Q 1998 "Comcast Reports Strong Second Quarter Results"
  
• 1Q 1998 "Comcast Reports Record First Quarter Results"
  
• 4Q 1997 "Comcast Reports 1997 Results"
  
• 3Q 1997 "Comcast Corporation Reports Record Third Quarter Results"
  
• 2Q 1997 "Comcast Corporation Reports Strong Second Quarter Results"

We'll go out on a limb here. Fourth-quarter 2002 results, we forecast, will be strong. They may even set a record.