The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

2. So, the Rate on That CD Will Be 1% or 3%. You Get the Idea.

For weeks we've been puzzling over the online advertisements for HSBC (HBC Quote) Bank.

Now we know why.

You've seen the ads, too. In particular, we're thinking about the one with the picture of a cute little baby looking up at something we can't see. "She'll grow four times in size," reads the ad. "So will your responsibilities."

Yes, that seemed like reasonable advertising claims to us. Until we finally raised ourselves out of our torpor far enough to actually do some research.

The first place we started with was the baby. What, we wondered, was the size of that baby anyway?

Well, judging from the picture, she's able to raise her head. That would make her at least about 2 months old. According to a chart published by the Center for Disease Control, that would mean this girl is about 22 inches tall.

Hmm. Twenty-two inches tall, growing four times in size. Plug that girl's height into the ol' slide rule, multiply it by four and we get ... 88 inches.

Yes, 88 inches. As in 7 feet 4 inches tall.

So all of a sudden we're wondering what the point of the HSBC ad is. Is the idea supposed to be that you've given birth to a future member of the New York Liberty, a sweet little baby for whom you'll have to pay extra on clothes at the women's Tall and Big shop?

We called up HSBC to ask.

The average baby will grow three to five times in height, says a spokeswoman for the bank. The advertisement, she says, "is meant to encourage people to think about the growth in their responsibilities and to plan for their child's long-term needs." That four-times figure, she says, "is not meant to be a literal statistic."

Well, that's a reassuring remark to hear from a bank. When we get our next monthly statement, we'll try to remember that the closing balance isn't meant to be a literal statistic.