The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

1. You'll Want Two Lumps With That Tea, We Suppose

Attention, women of the world: Coca-Cola KO, we must conclude, is in the breast enlargement business.

We're not kidding. We're deadly serious here. We've got good evidence for this.

But first, let's back up a little.

Last month, you may recall, we wrote about how we tried to verify an odd report about Coke that ran in the New York Post.

According to the Post's gossip column Page Six (which, we never, ever tire of telling people never runs on page 6 of the paper), Coke "has a new product, Coca-Cola Herbal, coming out in Japan, which is being marketed to women 16-22, with the pitch that the soda supposedly will make their breasts grow."

Preposterous, we thought. "Ridiculous," said a source. Coke never got back to us on the subject, and that's how we left it.

Until, that is, we received some reader mail on the subject.

Herbal Tea-se Love Body's buxom boast

The august beverage company Coca-Cola, you may assure yourself, does not sell a beverage in Japan called "Coca-Cola Herbal" that's supposed to make women's breasts grow. The Post was wrong about that.

But not completely. Coke, in fact, does sell a beverage in Japan that's supposed to make women's breasts grow. It's a tea called Love Body.

In some circles this is old news. Why, in June 2001, an Advertising Age offshoot made mention of a TV commercial director's latest project: an ad for "a Japanese drink called Love Body that is supposed to make women thinner yet more buxom." Buried deep in an endless story about Coca-Cola that ran in the New York Times Magazine in March of this year, Love Body pops up again, described as "an herb-laden tea pitched to figure-conscious women (one ingredient is said to boost breast size)." TV commercials for Love Body, which launched in April of this year, "show the image of a supermodel who walks streets attracting boys with her brilliant proportion," writes a Japanese woman who requests anonymity.