Funny Money: Bad Accents

Adobe had higher than expected profits, as you can see in the attached PDF file which... crap, I can't download. OK, downloaded, but won't open. What? Fonts? Upgrade? Image editor? This thing stinks...

Yahoo! bought Zimbra and now owns that entire corner of the alphabet. Watch your step, Xerox!

AOL will move from Dulles, Va. to New York City, because, if they can't make it there, they can't make it here, either, but maybe they'll stop trying to make it anywhere.

New York is filing a Medicaid fraud suit against Merck over Vioxx. Can't you all just leave Merck alone?! Leave Merck Alone! It's just trying to make a huge profit without regard to cost in human life! Just leave that poor pharma company alone!

Dubai is buying a huge stake in Nasdaq and the London Stock Exchange. If they can't control the ports, they'll just control everything else.

Ever picture China and Dubai as two buzzards, preparing to fight over America's corpse? Me neither.

In a completely unrelated development, Mattel apologized to China for having tainted toys from China. In related news, in a trailer somewhere, a bruised young boy apologized for getting in the way of his father's fist.

General Mills had high profits. Their cereals are poison-free. The toys inside each box? Different story.

Let's just invest in technology to convert lead to oil already.

Troubled Youth, Lost Adulthood

When your addictive video game features retired athletes who most know from Dancing With The Stars, maybe you shouldn't be playing video games. Get a job and pay for your kids' college. It's OK to let youth go.