Can't Get a Clear Signal on iPhone Sales

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The Business Press Maven has built his Street cred by telling investors what he has learned after reading the day's business media. So ... want me to tell you how the iPhone is doing? Lean in close, and I'll tell you. Ready?

Apple's (AAPL) iPhone is underselling expectations. That's what I read. Actually, it's overselling expectations. I read that, too. Wait. Turns out, it's overselling stated expectations, but underselling whispered expectations. No, no, it's hitting the whispered number, but a week later, possibly. That's not right: It's already activated the million that was the whispered number! Actually, it doesn't even matter how it's selling, because margins are rich. But margins don't matter, either, because of some emerging iPhone partnerships in Europe. But margins must matter -- because the European release is going to be limited.

Read some of these clips for yourself if you want. But be advised that you probably want to take motion-sickness medication beforehand.

• Did Apple Beat iPhone Sales Forecasts or Not?
• Apple Rises on iPhone Margin Report
• Apple to limit European launch of iPhone in 2007: report
• Apple: Report More Than 1 Million iPhones Activated
• Apple's iPhone Moves Abroad
• iPhone's estimated profit margins push Apple shares up
• How many iPhones did Apple sell?
• Rumors swirl on iPhone deal

Together, we've seen some fathomlessly bad coverage from the business media. But this one might take the fathomlessly bad cake.

Forget about deciding whether the iPhone beat expectations. I think it might be easier to catch a moonbeam in a jar than figure out what expectations actually were. From Bloomberg, we are told that expectations were for 200,000 and then again 350,000.