Ah, so this is what a bear market feels like! It feels, well, lousy. Kind of like the morning after you discovered the phrase "too much beer." Or the first time you swam the 1650 free. Or the time you decided to play PGA West from the black tees.

And while we're at it, what's with the Dow? Shoot, you value players, where are you when we need you? Talk about a sorry bunch of weenies. You guys should be in there at least buying Alcoa (AA:NYSE - news - boards) or something. But even that was down on Wednesday.

Pathetic is all I can say. And I'm at the point when blame needs to be assessed because I'll tell you: This certainly isn't my fault!

Therefore, in order of blamed-ness, here is my list of candidates:

1. Alan Greenspan. Yes, it's his fault. I don't know why, but it's his fault.
2. Bill Clinton. Giftgate. Pardongate. Furnituregate. Why not Stockgate?
3. Jim Cramer. Known tech hater, that communist! Been hanging around with Bill Fleckenstein too much!
4. Bill Fleckenstein. Wipe that smile off your face, smart guy!
5. Alan Abelson. In the war of attrition, the Barron's columnist finally wore us down. I hate that!
6. The XFL. It's everything that's wrong with society! Surely, it has to have some evil effect on the market!

There, I feel better. Trust me, this is not just a list. Punishment will be meted out! I'll keep you posted.

Until then, the Nasdaq, the Dow, Morgan Stanley Dean Witter (MWD:NYSE - news - boards), Archer-Daniels-Midland (ADM:NYSE - news - boards), UTI Energy (UTI:Amex - news - boards), Johnson Controls (JCI:NYSE - news - boards) and Eastman Kodak (EK:NYSE - news - boards). (Hmm, no tech.)

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