Buzz and Batch Sniff Stinktomi

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"R%$&*&$&*(%D&*%&*(D%)&* Stinktomi D%&*(D%&*(D%&*()D%*() &D%(&Sinktomi&*%%^%D(D%&*(XT*(B&D VR% Inkmy()*^&*(%*(%& ^&* %*&%&%(*)&Y&*)vacation&^%*$^*?$*()^ Butt%^*$&& Thanks for *&$#$& nothing."

That was what I heard when I walked by Buzz Gould's shop this morning. Batch Hammer, his sidekick, was laying into Peterschmidt, the head guy at Inktomi (INKT:Nasdaq - news - boards). I popped my head in to say hello because these guys had been at 'Gansett since Memorial Day. Here's what Buzz and Batch had to say.

Cramer: Hey guys, welcome back. How come you came back today?

Batch: Cram-moo -- it is mark-up week, dummy, and we have a lot of work to do. Can't make a good living shining your head for a quarter. (Both laugh hysterically.)

Cramer: Who were you yelling at when I came in.

Batch: I was letting Peterschmidt from Inktomi have it for losing that big piece of business. I could have killed him for announcing it with three days left in the quarter. Why couldn't he have waited?

Cramer: I don't think it was up to him. I think it was going to come out.

Buzz: That's not how the game is played, Baldy. All bad information has to come out next week. Nothing bad can happen this week. This is mark-up week. I got enough problems trying to make up Scient (SCNT:Nasdaq - news - boards)! How are we going to take this Humpty Dumpty Stinktomi back up?

Cramer: Hey, are you guys worried about getting caught like those guys up in Canada?

Batch: Actually, we don't tell the brokers to move stocks up. We say, "Buy aggressively." We may be dumb, but we aren't stupid. We didn't go to college to get stupid, stupid.

Cramer: You said you were going to take Ariba (ARBA:Nasdaq - news - boards) to par, but it looks like you are pretty far away.

Buzz: The week is still young! Hey, we ever going to see you again on TV? What's with CNBC?

Cramer: I don't even know if I would go on if asked.

Batch: Give me a break, Cram-moo! You'd walk a mile for a camera! (Both laugh.)

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James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of TheStreet.com. At time of publication, his fund had no positions in any stocks mentioned. His fund often buys and sells securities that are the subject of his columns, both before and after the columns are published, and the positions that his fund takes may change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column at [e-mail].