The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

1. Dolans Unscripted

Dolan family madness is alive and well at Cablevision (CVC Quote).

The Bethpage, N.Y., cable-system operator fielded another buyout bid this week from Chairman Charles Dolan and CEO son James. They want to acquire the 77% of Cablevision they don't already own in a $7.9 billion deal.

The Dolans have been down this road before. They tried to take Cablevision's cable operation private in June 2005, but the convoluted deal fell apart last October in a dispute over terms. The Dolans then pushed Cablevision into a $10-a-share dividend -- but not before an embarrassing loan-covenant pratfall nearly scuppered the $3 billion payout.

Since then, Cablevision shares have rallied as Wall Street has embraced the company's triple-play growth story, featuring Internet, phone and TV service on one bill. Yet the executive-suite sideshow continues.

Last month, for instance, Cablevision admitted that it was being investigated for apparent stock-option accounting irregularities. But in a novel twist, Cablevision admitted it had improperly awarded in-the-money options to a dead man.

That seems like an odd practice, given that options are supposed to prod employees to more and better work. But maybe the Dolans are just unusually hard-headed about the future.

"We continue to feel that succeeding in this fiercely competitive environment," they said in a letter Sunday to the Cablevision board, "requires a long-term, entrepreneurial management perspective that is not constrained by the public markets' constant focus on short-term results."

In the long term, after all, we're all dead.

Dumb-o-Meter score: 93. All due apologies to John Maynard Keynes.

To watch Colin Barr's video take of this column, click here.

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