The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

                                                                

Mayo Day Vive La Lucent

1. Food for Thought

A big merger has Lucent (LU) and Alcatel (ALA) licking their chops.

This week, the networking gearmakers cooked up a $13.4 billion trans-Atlantic tie-up. The deal will create a giant telecom supplier with $36 billion in market capitalization and more than 80,000 workers, even after the obligatory mass firings.

Of course, both companies were walloped in the collapse of the telecom bubble, and big telcos like AT&T (T) continue to trim spending amid a consolidation push. But you'd never know that to listen to Lucent and Alcatel.

"We share a vision of where networks are going; a commitment to world-class customer service; and a highly skilled, motivated and global workforce," Alcatel CEO Serge Tchuruk enthuses. "The strategic logic driving this transaction is compelling," adds Lucent chief Pat Russo.

The sides haven't gotten around to naming the new company, but they know it will be based in Paris. They also know it will be headed by Russo, who doesn't speak French.

If that sounds like communication breakdown waiting to happen, it's not the only one. On a conference call Monday, investors wondered about the companies' aborted 2001 merger talks. Why, they asked, did the Lucent-Alcatel deal come together now, after it failed to click five years ago?

Here too, Tchuruk was quick to share his vision.

"The fit between the people was perhaps not as good as one would have hoped," Tchuruk explained. "As we say in France ... the mayonnaise did not hold."

Yes, if anyone can cut the mustard in the telecom business, it's these guys.

Dumb-o-Meter score: 95. Why put the new company in Paris? "Taxes had kind of a lot to do" with it, Lucent CFO Frank D'Amelio says -- a recent $861 million U.S. tax refund notwithstanding.

To view Colin Barr's video take on Lucent's entry in Five Dumbest this week, click here.