JBL: Investle Mania

Shawn Michaels A highflier like Google

As a child I used to watch wrestling in Texas with my grandfather, dreaming of the day I would be a champion. Last year at Wrestlemania 21, in the most purchased pay-per-view in history, I lost the championship to John Cena. This Sunday at Wrestlemania 22, I have a chance to win a championship back from Chris Benoit.

Now I know it may be crazy to handicap a pro wrestling event, but for those of you who are unfamiliar with our product, I will put it in terms that people from Wall Street can understand.

One of the premier matchups at Wrestlemania 22 is Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels. Shawn is a lot like Google (GOOG Quote), a real highflier who is willing to take a bunch of risks. Google has no forward guidance for the stock, so it is really a stock that is hard to put a valuation on. Most highfliers have a lot of downside risk; Google is a stock that I couldn't stomach to own. However, just like Shawn, it is fun to watch.

Vince McMahon Proven, like McDonald's

Vince, a co-founder of World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE Quote), is an American success story like McDonald's (WWE Quote). McDonald's is a company that, like Vince, has had to reinvent itself a few times, but it is working. McDonald's has $4.34 billion in operating cash flow and over $4 billion in cash. With a market multiple of around 16, this is a proven company and a stock I would want to own.

My prediction: Shawn may fly higher on Sunday, but I am staying with the proven global company. I take McDonald's over Google any day.

The Undertaker is undefeated in 13 Wresltemania matches. Like Goldman Sachs (GS Quote) he's a stock you want to own. Goldman just had blowout earnings; with fixed-income, equities and mergers all going strong simultaneously, this is one of the best companies in the world to own. The only thing more ridiculous than the low P/E multiple of around 10 is the ridiculously low estimate for future numbers. The analysts were wrong before, and they are wrong now. It's hard to even talk about Goldman's numbers, because they read like something out of the sports page, but just like Undertaker they are real.

Undertaker's opponent is Mark Henry, who is legitimately the world's strongest man. However, just like GM (GM Quote), Henry has too big a hill to climb. GM is going bust. Even if it manages to pay off its health care and pension benefits, it will have no money left over for R&D. GM has dug itself a hole, and it will not be able to climb out of it.

Prediction: GM is a former strongman that has met its match; I go with Goldman (and the Undertaker) any day of the week.

The underdog story of Wrestlemania 22 is Rey Mysterio. Just like Krispy Kreme (KKD Quote) he has been written off. Krispy Kreme is a story of a great product with bad decision-making by prior management. Krispy Kreme is a true international growth story, just like Rey could be. However, without financials until the end of April, it is a shot in the dark.

Rey's opponent is Kurt Angle, anOlympic gold medalist. Kurt is like Wal-Mart (WMT Quote), a true blue-chip American. Wal-Mart is the real 500-pound gorilla. With a potential bank charter looming, Wal-Mart could be a huge growth story again. Either way, it is a great buy right here. Wal-Mart is greatly expanding its presence in China, where future growth will be high. Wal-Mart has a track record of nothing but success; that success will continue.

Kurt Angle Blue-chip, like Wal-Mart

As much as the fans like Krispy Kreme, don't bet on it just yet. I have to go with the proven success story, Wal-Mart.

Two newcomers to Wrestlemania are Bobby Lashley and Fit Finley. Bobby is made for wrestling, a former national champion and genetic freak. Nothing has changed in wrestling or finance. Big guys with athletic ability still draw money, and companies that drill for oil will make a lot of money. Bobby is a lot like Patterson-UTI Energy(PTEN Quote).

Patterson-UTI, a land driller, is one of my favorite stocks, because, unlike in 1974, 1989, or 1991, oil prices are moving not because of supply constraints but rather due to increased demand. That has not and will not change for the foreseeable future. Patterson-UTI has no debt, and its rig utilization is continuing to rise. With a multiple of less than 10, and a long-term growth rate predicted around 45%, this is a stock to buy. Just like Bobby Lashley, this is a stock with a great future.

Fit Finley is a former all-time great who has just returned to prominence, similar to Deere (DE Quote). Going forward it will be tough to produce enough ethanol to meet demand, with MTBE in fuel being phased out and with government-mandated ethanol production levels increasing. Farmers are going to start making money, and they will spend it on Deere products. Deere has had a good run, just like Fit, but it still has plenty of legs left.

JBL Think Exxon Mobil

Finally, the character portrayed by yours truly: JBL. JBL is a lot like Exxon Mobil(XOM Quote) -- been around forever and finally making big money. Like all oil companies, ExxonMobil is having a hard time increasing production. However, at current levels, Exxon Mobil is undervalued and a bargain.

JBL's opponent is Chris Benoit, also a former world champion. Chris is Mr. Consistency, like American Tower(AMT Quote). American Tower is just a plain old-fashioned, well-positioned company. With the rise in data transmissions and the potential of wireless Internet infrastructure, American Tower is in a position to make a ton of money off of its towers. I think this stock has a tremendous future.

It's my article, so, of course, I am going with myself. However, both stocks are buys here.

If things go my way this weekend, I do believe I will be the first wrestling champion to ever write for TheStreet.com.

Remember, being poor is bad, staying that way is stupid.