The Five Dumbest Things on Wall Street This Week

Free Martha Stewart Wait, why?

2. Prison Non Grata

It's hard to make fun of Martha Stewart, because she herself behaves like a parody of Martha Stewart. But the diva of domesticity never ceases to amaze.

This week, our disbelief stems from the speech that the Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia (MSO Quote - Cramer on MSO - Stock Picks) founder gave Wednesday. Stewart told reporters she wished to start serving her five-month jail sentence immediately, rather than waiting for the appeal on her felony conviction to play out.

Now, folks might think it was bizarre of Stewart to lament how jail time would separate her from those she holds dear -- "my two beloved, fun-loving dogs," as she put it, "my seven lively cats, my canaries, my horses, and even my chickens."

And people might have thought it was strange for her to say she wanted to get back home as early as possible in March "in order to plant the new spring garden."

But we just write that off as Martha Stewart doing her best Martha Stewart imitation.

No, the thing we thought was really weird was Stewart's passing reference to a recent New York Times article pointing out, according to Stewart, how "America accounts for 25% of the world's prison population, despite the fact that we have just 5% of its population."

Whether Americans are too quick to send people to the slammer is for the politicians to ponder. We'll judge the sincerity of your concern once we see how hard you fight for them after your five months of hard time is over.

What we're waiting to see is whether Martha Stewart will become just another felon. A story in The New York Times this week quoted a Bureau of Prisons spokesman who said Stewart would be doing work detail like the rest of the inmates: a 7 1/2-hour day in food service, grounds keeping or sanitation.

Wow. Those jobs sound just like what she was doing pre-slammer.

Look at it this way, though, Marth, because you're eager to start your sentence. You might get some good ideas for your business in prison, especially about cutting costs. We here at the lab like the sound of your new salary: according to the Times, 12 cents to 40 cents an hour.

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